“This is probably our last chance for romance”
These were the words Carrie used when she tried to convince me to have a “babymoon”. I use the quotation marks on “babymoon” to emphasize how lame it is. For the uninformed, a “babymoon” is an excuse for pregnant ladies to bother their husbands to spend money on a vacation before popping out the miracle. Basically you’re saying “this little bundle of joy is going be more expensive on a per pound basis then Jay-Z. Let’s spend some of our precious savings on a trip to the Maldives”. Some say that the “babymoon” is when the soft spot is formed.
Originally I thought this was just the travel industry’s way to exploit the guilt of fathers to be. I’m surprised there aren’t advertisements at the doc’s office with somber headlines that read “this chick’s demolishing her lady parts for you. The least you can do is buy a plane ticket and a few non-alcoholic mai tais. It’s uterUS not uterYOU, jackass”. Maybe it’s just the name that makes me think it’s all a marketing gimmick. You can’t just add the word “moon” to something and make it a legit excuse to take a vacation. Although “Opening Round of the NCAA Tournament….Moon” has a nice ring to it.
But then I really started thinking about it. Maybe she’s right. She’s not gonna wanna have “romance” after the baby’s born. We can’t go out for dinner and a movie just the two of us until the kid’s at least twelve. I know for a fact that the baby bjorn isn’t part of the dress code at The AVE on the Mile. Can you take an infant to rock concerts?
Holy shit! This COULD be our last chance for (not only romance but) “EVERYTHING-mance”?
I mean, the closest I’ve ever been to raising a kid is creating a player named Haywood Jablowme on Madden 2010 and that took up a shit-ton of time. I’m assuming raising a kid is at least twice as hard as guiding the Stockton Seaman to the Madden Bowl. But a kid, man? You can’t pause the game on his or her development to play in a beer pong tourney.
But to be honest, I did kinda tear up watching little Haywood lift up the Madden Bowl trophy for the first time. And you know, I did turn down a few opportunities to represent my Beer Pong team, “2 Guys, 1 Cup”, in order to take part in Haywood’s ups and downs. After the little dude’s fourth NFL MVP I caught myself thinking, “They grow up so fast”. I even remember beaming with pride when reciting his stats.
I guess having a kid won’t be that bad. I’ll just have different Bowls to win, other MVP awards to gather, new warp zones to explore, and different achievements to unlock. The adventures Carrie and I had before the kid will just be replaced with new and uncharted adventures. Only this time I won’t be the one vomiting and talking incoherently. And even though I wouldn’t be able to step foot in a movie theater for the next three years, I’ll finally have a subject worthy enough to make home movies about.
So I guess in a roundabout way I’m saying I’m warming up to the whole babymoon idea, but not because it’s going to be “our last chance for romance”. I’m willing to admit that our definition of “romance” will change (shoot, our definition of “life” will change). But I’m hoping the actual presence of romance won’t. Going off on a week-long romantic vacation most likely will not be in our vernacular for the next two years. However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a little bit of “romance” while the baby’s napping. And instead of wine glasses we’ll just be drinking out of juice boxes.
