Sleepless in Stockton

The plane! The plane!

I was at a cocktail party the other day on a cloud floating around the Disneyland Castle when I ran into an old friend. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I thought that the transcript of the conversation was interesting enough to post on the blog. I saw her from across the room and I immediately walked towards her.

DAN: (jokingly) So are you going to take the blue pill or the red pill?

SLEEP: Wha? Oh (smiles)
DAN: Hey Sleep. How’s it going?
SLEEP: Hi Dan………been a while.
DAN: yeah, how long has it been?
SLEEP: (coldly) Three months.

DAN: I miss you.
SLEEP: I miss you too.
DAN: I feel so refreshed after we hang out. I truly miss our time together.

SLEEP: Well, I’m free after this party. Let’s hang out for 8 hours like we used to.
DAN: I can’t. I’m busy. You know I can’t because of…well, because of…
SLEEP: Because of her.

DAN: Don’t say it like that.
SLEEP: Well, it’s because of her I can only see you for three hour increments.
DAN: Hey, she’s important to me.
SLEEP: And I’m not?

DAN: No. you’re great. I literally can’t live without you. But now I have responsibilities. I’m just not the same person I was three months ago….
SLEEP: No. You’re not.

DAN: Well, we got to hang out at Mark’s bachelor party two weeks ago. The guys made fun of me cause all I did was drink for a little bit and then hang out with you until 3 in the afternoon. You have to admit that was some quality time….
SLEEP: No, I think you have me confused with Passed Out.
DAN: Darn. You’re right. We were only together from noon to 3. I was with Passed Out from 2AM to noon…. I’m sorry. I feel like such an ass right….

SLEEP: Well you should.

DAN: Hey, I wasn’t the one who came to visit me at work! I mean, I was meeting with some big clients. And then you come barging in.
SLEEP: You know better than to have a big lunch before a 2PM meeting with a video presentation. How could I resist visiting you?
DAN: Well I don’t want you at my work. And don’t you ever bob my head down like that again.

SLEEP: You know you can’t resist me. And don’t think that your new friends, Red Bull and Sugar Free Rockstar, are any substitute for what I can do for you.
DAN: Don’t flatter yourself.
SLEEP: Whatever.

DAN: Whatever?! Whatever?! Ok….Does this sound familiar, (gently)hooonnnnkkkk……shhhhooooooo, hooonnnkk…….shhhhooooooo...

SLEEP: What are you doing?

DAN: (progressively getting louder) hoonnkkk....shhhooooo.....hhhoooonnnkkkk….shhooooooo,

SLEEP: Stop it!

DAN: (loud) HOONNNKKKKKKK…….SHHHHOOOOOOO!!!

SLEEP: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! How dare you. (almost in tears) You didn’t…..

DAN: (coldly) More than half the time. Why do you think I own a Sham-wow and a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie? I can’t be with you and buy those things.

SLEEP: You bastard.

DAN: Wait….I’m sorry. I just get so cranky when I haven’t seen you in awhile.
SLEEP: Well, then ditch everything else and hang out with me.

DAN: I can’t. Don’t get me wrong. I love being with you. You get me. I mean, remember when me, you, and Dreams were flying around Seattle on top of unicorns eating rain drops with Abraham Lincoln, News 10’s Cristina Mendonsa, and Chewbacca?
SLEEP: Yeah, and you kept saying, “I can taste the rainbow!” Yeah. Those were great times.
DAN: The best. But I can’t do that anymore. Well at least at this point in my life. I have other priorities now.

SLEEP: Why can’t I be a priority? Why not me?

DAN: It’s not YOU. It’s ME. You just caught me at a bad time in my life. Any other time and I would be with you every day of my life. You shouldn’t be hanging out with me anyways. You have more important things to do like helping little kids grow, calming tired eyes, and repairing the muscles of my fantasy football players.

SLEEP: But what about us?

DAN: Us? Well...we’ll always have eye boogers.

[A PLANE ENGINE starts in the background: Nyet……Nyet….Nyet………….Wwwaaaaahhhhh…..Wwwwaaaahhhhh]

PLANE CAPTAIN: Mr. Dan, you’re plane sir. Your three hours is up.

SLEEP: I’ll wait for you.
(The couple is speaking loudly now to overcome the plane engine sound)
DAN: What?
SLEEP: I’ll wait for you. I’ll always be here for you. When can we meet again?
DAN: 18 years.
SLEEP: Ok. Where should we meet? The Empire State Building?
DAN: Are you trying to “Sleepless in Seattle” me?
SLEEP: I prefer “An Affair to Remember” but sure, why not?
DAN: The exact place in 18 years where we can meet once again? How about either the Super 8 motel in Palo Alto or the Vagabond Inn in Pasadena?
SLEEP: Palo Alto?! Pasadena?!
DAN: Stanford or Cal-Tech
SLEEP: Ok. Now who’s dreaming….

[DAN gets on the plane and it heads out into the mist]

[ABRAHAM LINCOLN steps in and puts his arm over SLEEP’s shoulders. Both of them are now walking out into the distance]

SLEEP: Zombie Abraham Lincoln, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship…..

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: (in zombie voice) BRRAAAAAINNNNS!!!!

[Heart wipe to black]
End Scene.